I have begun each of my writings on this blog with a photograph. Each photograph thus far has been taken personally by myself, with the exception of one or two photos that were taken by my husband. I know a photograph isn’t necessary to the blog piece, but in most cases the photograph has held some significance to the piece that I am writing – it has either inspired me in some way to write or it has some type of symbolic meaning, in my mind, to the subject at hand. In my piece today, the photograph is quite beautiful, I believe, but the subject I am writing about is not beautiful. This piece, however, is about “reflection” – my reflection on a story that happened the other day. That is its relevance.

We began Sunday morning with our usual cup of coffee, and after each one of us was able to utter a few more words than “Good morning” to one another, we began to have the discussion about whether or not we would attend church services that morning. Although neither one of us was feeling especially motivated, we decided that it would be a good idea to attend. And so the usual routine of getting ready began and after the drive from our home in the suburbs, we reached our destination at the usual time. We are members of a church that is in the downtown area of our city. It has a very large, active, family-oriented congregation. We were drawn to it because of its vibrancy, its energy – and because of its very inspiring pastor. As we always park in the parking lot a couple of blocks away from the church, we must always make that two block walk in order to get from our car to the sanctuary. There is always a busy stream of church attendees and members following the same route, some leaving the early service and others on their way to the next – a lot of young families, a lot of people of all ages, smiling and greeting one another. Most Sundays, there are also a few other people, who are not members of the church, who walk or stand along the path to the sanctuary. These people are homeless. One lady stands in the same spot just about every week. She smiles slightly as people pass by, but has the look of need and sadness in her eyes… On this particular Sunday morning, a man I’d never seen before stood on the sidewalk directly in front of the church. We saw him ahead of us as we approached, speaking to a young couple as they passed. We couldn’t hear what he had said, but since the couple was heading toward us, we could see the looks on their faces. They had that look we all get when we don’t know exactly what to do or say… but they walked on, looking past the man, never speaking to him or making eye contact with him. And then the man turned towards us as we approached. His sunburned face, with the desperate look in his eye… looked upon us as he uttered the words “I’m hungry”. He sounded almost as if he was in pain as he spoke, almost as if it was taking every last bit of human dignity for him to utter those words… And what did we do in response? We did absolutely nothing. We walked on, just as the young couple we’d seen a few moments before had walked on. We probably had the same look on our faces they’d had… There was a part of me that wanted to reach in my purse to give him some money, but I didn’t. No, I just walked on, making my way into our big, pretty church, ready to worship God. A few moments after our walk past the man, we heard him shake his can of coins rather vigorously. He was, most probably, very frustrated. His words and pleas for help were in vain. And most likely, he felt “invisible” – the way we humans feel when no one will look at us or respond to us as a true person. The way we feel when we are ignored or made to feel as though we don’t matter in this world. I’ve felt this way a few times in my life, and it is not a good feeling. I can only imagine how it must be to feel this way every day… And, of course, he was also… hungry. He did tell us that! He was probably very hungry.

After the service, we made our way out of church and began our walk back to the parking lot. We chatted a little about the sermon and the service, but up to this point, neither one of us had spoken at all about our encounter with the man before the service. Then my husband said something like “I was hoping I’d see that guy again. I felt bad that I hadn’t given him anything.” And I totally understood because I had felt exactly the same way. We looked around for him, but couldn’t see him anywhere. He had most likely moved on… I then said something like, “Well, hopefully, someone gave him something. He looked really hungry. Maybe he’ll be around next week and we can give him something then.” Now, that is a nice thought, isn’t it? I was thinking about next week, but he was hungry today! We missed it! We blew it! We had walked on, doing nothing, when we’d had a chance to help this man. And now that time, that chance, was over. I sincerely hope that the man was able to get some help on that extremely hot summer morning, when he was desperate! Yet the help didn’t come from us, when we each had enough money in our wallets and the perfect opportunity to help him! There we were, on our way to worship God, and we failed miserably. We were not able to help someone in need. We passed by a man who was asking for help and completely ignored him. And unfortunately, we were certainly not the only people who completely ignored this man in his plea for help on that hot summer morning. A number of good, responsible people coming from and going into a house of worship simply walked by a man who needed help and did nothing. This is, indeed, a very sad commentary. Our church does have special programs for helping and feeding the homeless and those in need in our community, and I must say that I am pleased about this fact. What just doesn’t feel right, however, is the fact that so many of us just walk by these people in need without personally doing anything to help them. I’m sure that this probably happens everywhere… our particular experience that Sunday morning was most likely not an isolated experience.

I could tell you of a few times when I’ve personally helped others who have needed help… yes, there have been those times. Yet we see homeless people, people who need help, so often… begging with a sign on the side of the road or in parking lots, and how often do most of us actually help? Have we become so hardened that we cannot take the time to care? Perhaps these questions sound naive to some. Perhaps I’m idealistic. Perhaps I’m expecting too much. Or perhaps I speak of worthy acts and then don’t really follow through myself… Perhaps we’ve all seen too much of this and have either decided to put the blame on government or society or one thing or another… or just decided that we can’t worry about those people because we have too much to worry about already. After all, we can’t help everybody! There’s just so much of this begging going on! And so we walk by or drive by and ignore… Just as I did the other day. Thinking about this isn’t something new to me. I’ve ignored before… I’m not exactly sure why I am feeling more affected, more disappointed in myself from this experience than I have from other experiences similar to this. But I can’t get that man’s face out of my mind, the man that was hungry and asked me for help. I hope he’s doing alright tonight. I hope that he’s not hungry. I hope, that if I happen to see him again, I might be able to help him. And I pray that I may be able to open my heart more freely in times ahead. I pray that I may do more than just walk by…

Of course, reflection is just that. It is looking back and thinking about things that have happened in the past. We can’t redo or relive a situation where we’ve already failed. We can only use that experience to work towards making something better in the future. And I will do just that.

~ Carole Carter – words and photograph