For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling so very grateful. And so full of thoughts and memories and love.. After having our daughters and their husbands and our six grandchildren together for Mother’s Day, my heart is full. It was so wonderful to have everyone together.. laughing and talking and having fun together. The grandkids always pick up right where they left off, although the families haven’t seen one another for several months. Each child has grown taller in those few months, each has matured a little more.. but when they get back together, those things don’t seem to matter much. Before they can even get their shoes off, they’re off running all over the house playing hide and seek or making up “a show” down in the basement, as they’ve done since they were tiny. I love the laughter that rings through the house.. I love that they can instantly find that common thread that binds them together, even when they’ve been apart for so long. It is the bond of family. They probably wouldn’t describe it as that, but they know that they’re cousins, that they have a special bond, and they know they can totally be themselves when they’re together. And I love that. I also love that their moms and dads, who have been so busy being moms and dads and working hard to take care of their busy families, can just come and relax, be themselves, and enjoy one another’s company.

I look at all of these special people, coming together on Mother’s Day weekend.. and I can’t help but think back to my earliest days of motherhood. Although I am now “the matriarch” of this family, as one of my daughters described my current position with a sweet smile, it doesn’t seem that long ago that I was just a young mom with a tiny baby girl.. a young mom with a little baby who really had no idea what to do when she came home from the hospital. If I remember correctly, we had a few parenting classes that were offered for parents-to-be, with lessons on how to diaper and bathe and burp our tiny little ones. I also had my mother, who lived out of town, come to help when I brought my new baby girl home from the hospital. I appreciated her help very much, but there were, of course, those aspects of new parenthood that we all had to learn on our own. Or maybe we didn’t necessarily have to learn these things on our own, but we wanted to. We wanted to do things our way, and even though we were very sweetly offered help, we often chose to listen to the words of advice and then go ahead and try things our own way.. How long do we let our baby cry at night before we pick her up and rock her to sleep or feed her again?..for example. The answers to questions like that are very personal.. each of us answers them a little differently. And as our babies grew, there were always new judgements to make that were really ours alone, even though we read various opinions in certain parental guidance books. And we didn’t necessarily do things the same way our friends did.. because there was that certain feeling inside that told us that we needed to parent in our own way. Some of it was just instinct.. it just felt right for us. And we hoped, with all our hearts, that we were doing the right thing! As each new baby came along, we may have altered a few minor parenting practices, but overall, our values remained the same for our family. All through those years of raising children, from babyhood through adolescence, until the time we sent them off to college and beyond, most of us relied on our best instincts, our innate intelligence and wisdom as people in order to set the rules, teach our children what we felt was important, and guide them on the way to becoming happy, healthy, well-adjusted young people. Of course, each child was different, with unique personalities and talents and challenges.. which complicated certain issues. In the end, however, we all did our best. We used the best parts of ourselves to give our sweet, growing children the love and guidance they so deserved in order to grow up to lead healthy, well-adjusted, and productive lives. Yet, deep in our hearts, we knew that those best parts of ourselves, those instincts, those words of wisdom and guidance, those values.. all stemmed from the way our own parents raised us. We may have changed things up a bit, but so much of it was innate.. and strong, healthy family values pass the strength down through the generations.

And as the years go by.. some of us watch our children marry and have children of their own. And we then become grandparents! As grandparents, we help and we offer advice, if we are asked.. or if anyone will listen. We try to gently guide without preaching. But most of all, we watch with a lot of love and pride. We love with all our hearts as we see another generation find its way through the wonderful, wild and crazy days of parenthood. As a grandmother, I have always wanted to help guide and answer questions, yet I’ve also realized that my daughters and son-in-laws wanted to adopt their own practices and ways of doing things. Each family develops their own values and rules, unique and wonderful.. and each set of parents deserves to mould their family unit in their own special manner. Deep at the heart of each, however, are the underlying principles that each parent carries with them from their own childhood. The beauty of each family is the unique character that develops, based upon values that have been handed down from one generation to the next. And as that “matriarch” of our family, I now watch with love and pride as I see the wonderful things that happen before me.. Oh, the grandkids certainly aren’t all raised quite yet, but they are definitely on their way to a solid, well-grounded future with responsible, loving, intelligent mothers and fathers. I marvel at how well my daughters and son-in-laws parent! So many of their family practices are improvements upon the practices that my husband and I used when our children were growing! And yet I, as grandmother, always try to be available to guide when asked.. to offer my own unique insight into any and all situations. I sometimes interject an opinion or a tip, even when I am not asked. I do have some wisdom and experience, after all. Mostly, I’m there to love and communicate the pride I feel. The pride and love for the grandchildren.. and the pride and love for their parents. And in the back of my head, although I am now “the matriarch”, I can envision that day, so many years ago, when I as a new mother, brought her baby home for the first time. I remember the excitement, the pride, the love for my baby and husband.. but also the nervousness and anxiety. Somehow, it all turned out pretty well.. I am thankful for the love that guided me along the way and thankful for the love I see and feel around me today. And I feel certain that if my mom and dad, from their place in heaven, are able to see the beauty that shines so brightly within this family, they are feeling a great deal of love and pride as well.

~ Carole Carter – words and photograph